I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets a little annoyed by that
couple on social media. You know who I'm talking about. Their profile
pictures are selfies of them together smiling. Their statuses are inside
jokes or cheesy relationship goals. But when you actually spend time
with them, you're wondering why they're together.
Unlike
their public facade, behind closed doors, this couple is always
bickering about everything from chores to finances, and they seem on the
verge of breaking up.
It
becomes so tiresome that you long for the days when a social-media
status was merely a shout out in your AIM profile. Unfortunately, social
media has evolved to become a part of our daily lives -- which includes
sharing too much information about our relationships.
The
thing is, genuinely happy couples don't have to boast about it. In
fact, they hardly discuss their relationship on social media. Here are
eight reasons why over-posting couples may not be doing as well as they
make it seem.
1. They're convincing others to convince themselves.
When
two people constantly post inside jokes, confess their love for each
other, or share pictures of themselves doing fun and romantic
activities, it's a ploy to convince everyone else they're in a happy and
healthy relationship, which is really just a way to trick themselves
into thinking they're in a happy and healthy relationship.
Sexologist
Nikki Goldstein told Mail Online: "Often it's the people who post the
most who are seeking validation for their relationship from other people
on social media.
"The
likes and comments can be so validating that when someone is really
struggling, that's where they get their up from -- not the person making
the gesture, but what other people will say about it."
2. People who post more often are more likely to be psychopathic and narcissistic.
A
survey of 800 men ages 18 to 40 found that "narcissism and psychopathy
predicted the number of selfies posted, whereas narcissism and
self-objectification predicted editing photographs of oneself posted" on
social-media networks.
Another
study discovered that posting, tagging, and commenting on Facebook is
often associated with narcissism in both men and women.
In
short, the more often you post or engage on social media, the more
likely you are to be either narcissistic or, even worse, psychopathic.
And in case you're wondering, "Narcissists are very bad relationship
partners," says professor Brad Bushman of Ohio State University.
3. When you're happy, you don't get distracted by social media.
Sure.
There will be plenty of times where you'll share a status or a couple
of pictures of you and your significant other. Happy couples, though,
are busy enjoying each other's company in the present. This means that
they're not going to stop enjoying each other's company just to post a
status or snap a selfie.
That's
why you'll see this couple post a collage of their recent trip after
they get home. They were too preoccupied with having fun to keep posting
pictures.
4. Couples who post a lot tend to be insecure.
After
surveying more than 100 couples, researchers from Northwestern
University found those who posted more frequently on social media about
their partner actually feel insecure in their relationship.
5. Couples are better off when they keep arguments offline.
Have
you ever been in the presence of couple that's fighting? It's awkward,
to say the least. Now imagine that fight playing out for the whole world
to see on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or YouTube?
Instead
of filming and uploading an anger and profanity-filled video, for
example, the argument should be discussed in private between the couple.
There's no need to air your dirty laundry to all of your friends,
family, co-workers, or even clients.
6. Those who post more often on social media rely on their relationship for happiness.
Researchers
from Albright College call this Relationship Contingent Self-Esteem
(RCSE). RCSE is described as "an unhealthy form of self-esteem that
depends on how well your relationship is going." These people use social
media to brag about their relationship, make others jealous, or even
spy on their partner.
"These
results suggest that those high in RCSE feel a need to show others,
their partners and perhaps themselves that their relationship is 'OK'
and, thus, they are OK," said Albright assistant professor of psychology
Gwendolyn Seidman, PhD.
7. They don't have anything to prove.
Couples
that are genuinely happy do not need validation from social media to
prove how happy they are. They don't need to show-off, make anyone else
jealous, or keep tabs on their significant other. They're so secure and
content in the relationship that there's no need to gush about it.
8. People who stay off Facebook are happier.
Denmark's
Happiness Research Institute wanted to know what would happen if people
quit Facebook for a week. So, they conducted an experiment that
involved 1,095 people.
"After
one week without Facebook, the treatment group reported a significantly
higher level of life satisfaction," stated the researchers.
Prior
to the experiment, the volunteers were asked to rate their lives on a
scale of 1-10, with 10 being the happiest. The "no Facebook" group
increased from an average of 7.75/10 to 8.12/10, while the group that
kept using Facebook actually decreased from 7.67/10 to 7.56/10.
The
researchers also found that frequent Facebook users were more likely to
feel angry (20 percent versus 12 percent), depressed (33 percent versus
22 percent) and worried (54 percent versus 41 percent).
Conclusion
In
reality, it doesn't really matter what all the research says. It
matters what you think and feel. However, the comments and findings from
professionals may be something to at least take a look at. And if you
feel you, a partner or friend has a "social media" issue, you may want
to take a much closer look.
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