8 Reasons happy Couples Rarely share their relationships status on social media

I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets a little annoyed by that couple on social media. You know who I'm talking about. Their profile pictures are selfies of them together smiling. Their statuses are inside jokes or cheesy relationship goals. But when you actually spend time with them, you're wondering why they're together.

Unlike their public facade, behind closed doors, this couple is always bickering about everything from chores to finances, and they seem on the verge of breaking up.

It becomes so tiresome that you long for the days when a social-media status was merely a shout out in your AIM profile. Unfortunately, social media has evolved to become a part of our daily lives -- which includes sharing too much information about our relationships.

The thing is, genuinely happy couples don't have to boast about it. In fact, they hardly discuss their relationship on social media. Here are eight reasons why over-posting couples may not be doing as well as they make it seem.

1. They're convincing others to convince themselves.

When two people constantly post inside jokes, confess their love for each other, or share pictures of themselves doing fun and romantic activities, it's a ploy to convince everyone else they're in a happy and healthy relationship, which is really just a way to trick themselves into thinking they're in a happy and healthy relationship.

Sexologist Nikki Goldstein told Mail Online: "Often it's the people who post the most who are seeking validation for their relationship from other people on social media.

"The likes and comments can be so validating that when someone is really struggling, that's where they get their up from -- not the person making the gesture, but what other people will say about it."

2. People who post more often are more likely to be psychopathic and narcissistic.

A survey of 800 men ages 18 to 40 found that "narcissism and psychopathy predicted the number of selfies posted, whereas narcissism and self-objectification predicted editing photographs of oneself posted" on social-media networks.

Another study discovered that posting, tagging, and commenting on Facebook is often associated with narcissism in both men and women.

In short, the more often you post or engage on social media, the more likely you are to be either narcissistic or, even worse, psychopathic. And in case you're wondering, "Narcissists are very bad relationship partners," says professor Brad Bushman of Ohio State University.

3. When you're happy, you don't get distracted by social media.

Sure. There will be plenty of times where you'll share a status or a couple of pictures of you and your significant other. Happy couples, though, are busy enjoying each other's company in the present. This means that they're not going to stop enjoying each other's company just to post a status or snap a selfie.

That's why you'll see this couple post a collage of their recent trip after they get home. They were too preoccupied with having fun to keep posting pictures.

4. Couples who post a lot tend to be insecure.

After surveying more than 100 couples, researchers from Northwestern University found those who posted more frequently on social media about their partner actually feel insecure in their relationship.

5. Couples are better off when they keep arguments offline.

Have you ever been in the presence of couple that's fighting? It's awkward, to say the least. Now imagine that fight playing out for the whole world to see on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or YouTube?

Instead of filming and uploading an anger and profanity-filled video, for example, the argument should be discussed in private between the couple. There's no need to air your dirty laundry to all of your friends, family, co-workers, or even clients.

6. Those who post more often on social media rely on their relationship for happiness.

Researchers from Albright College call this Relationship Contingent Self-Esteem (RCSE). RCSE is described as "an unhealthy form of self-esteem that depends on how well your relationship is going." These people use social media to brag about their relationship, make others jealous, or even spy on their partner.

"These results suggest that those high in RCSE feel a need to show others, their partners and perhaps themselves that their relationship is 'OK' and, thus, they are OK," said Albright assistant professor of psychology Gwendolyn Seidman, PhD.

7. They don't have anything to prove.

Couples that are genuinely happy do not need validation from social media to prove how happy they are. They don't need to show-off, make anyone else jealous, or keep tabs on their significant other. They're so secure and content in the relationship that there's no need to gush about it.

8. People who stay off Facebook are happier.

Denmark's Happiness Research Institute wanted to know what would happen if people quit Facebook for a week. So, they conducted an experiment that involved 1,095 people.

"After one week without Facebook, the treatment group reported a significantly higher level of life satisfaction," stated the researchers.

Prior to the experiment, the volunteers were asked to rate their lives on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the happiest. The "no Facebook" group increased from an average of 7.75/10 to 8.12/10, while the group that kept using Facebook actually decreased from 7.67/10 to 7.56/10.

The researchers also found that frequent Facebook users were more likely to feel angry (20 percent versus 12 percent), depressed (33 percent versus 22 percent) and worried (54 percent versus 41 percent).

Conclusion

In reality, it doesn't really matter what all the research says. It matters what you think and feel. However, the comments and findings from professionals may be something to at least take a look at. And if you feel you, a partner or friend has a "social media" issue, you may want to take a much closer look.

Here's What 15 Relationship Experts Want to Teach You About Love

Relationships don’t look like they used to (and that's a good thing). But what does it honestly take to make a modern romance work? As part of Committed, we're exploring partnerships ranging from a textbook marriage between high-school sweethearts to a gay couple creating a life together in the conservative deep South.
If binge-watching Gilmore Girls, Scandal, or The Good Wife has taught us anything, it's that relationships are messy. Personal experience proves it too: From our eighth-grade romance to our most recent breakup drama, "love isn't easy" is a life lesson we know all too well.
No matter your status—single, dating, engaged, or married—relationships take work. And whether they end with tears and empty Ben & Jerry's or last until forever may depend upon countless factors, but your own actions, words, and thoughts undoubtedly play a role.
One thing that'll give you an advantage in the game of love? Soaking up all the wisdom you can from relationship therapists, researchers, matchmakers, and more. Here, we've distilled it down to the very best advice 15 experts have learned. Regardless of your personal situation, their words may help you uncover the key to long-lasting happiness.

1. Do or say something daily to show your appreciation.

"Saying and doing small, simple expressions of gratitude every day yields big rewards. When people feel recognized as special and appreciated, they're happier in that relationship and more motivated to make the relationship better and stronger. And when I say simple, I really mean it. Make small gestures that show you're paying attention: Hug, kiss, hold hands, buy a small gift, send a card, fix a favorite dessert, put gas in the car, or tell your partner, 'You're sexy,' 'You're the best dad,' or simply say 'Thank you for being so wonderful.'"
— Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., professor at Oakland University and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great

2. Realize every relationship has value, regardless of how long it lasts.

"There’s no such thing as a failed romance. Relationships simply evolve into what they were always meant to be. It’s best not to try to make something that is meant to be seasonal or temporary into a lifelong relationship. Let go and enjoy the journey."
— April Beyer, matchmaker and dating and relationship expert

3. Never take your partner for granted.

"This may sound obvious, but you can't imagine how many people come to couples therapy too late, when their partner is done with a relationship and wants to end it. It is very important to realize that everyone potentially has a breaking point, and if their needs are not met or they don't feel seen by the other, they will more than likely find it somewhere else. Many people assume that just because they are OK without things they want so is their partner. 'No relationship is perfect' shouldn't be used as a rationalization for complacency."
— Irina Firstein, LCSW, individual and couples therapist

4. Remember to take breaks.

"A friend taught me that no matter how in love you are or how long you've been together, it's important to take an exhale from your partnership. Hang out with girlfriends until late in the evening, take a weekend trip to visit family, or just spend time 'doing you' for a while. Then when you go home to Yours Truly, you'll both be recharged and ready to come together even stronger."
— Amy Baglan, CEO of MeetMindful, a dating site for people into healthy living, well-being, and mindfulness

5. It's not what you fight about—it's how you fight.

"Researchers have found that four conflict messages are able to predict whether couples remain together or get divorced: contempt, criticism, stonewalling (or withdrawal), and defensiveness. Together, they're known as the 'Four Horsemen of Divorce.' Instead of resorting to these negative tactics, fight fairly: Look for places where each partner's goal overlaps into a shared common goal and build from that. Also, focus on using 'I' vs. 'you' language."
— Sean M. Horan, Ph.D., assistant professor of communication, Texas State University

6. Stop trying to be each other’s “everything.”

"'You are my everything' is a lousy pop-song lyric and an even worse relationship plan. No one can be 'everything' to anyone. Create relationships outside The Relationship, or The Relationship isn't going to work anymore."
— Matt Lundquist, LCSW, couples therapist

7. Don't just go for the big O.

"Sex isn't just about orgasms. It's about sensation, emotional intimacy, stress relief, improved health (improved immune and cardiovascular system), and increased emotional bonding with your partner, thanks to the wonderful release of hormones due to physical touch. There are many more reasons to have sex than just getting off."
— Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D., licensed marriage and sex therapist, expert at Adam and Eve, and Greatist expert

8. Look for someone with similar values.

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"For long-lasting love, the more similarity (e.g., age, education, values, personality, hobbies), the better. Partners should be especially sure that their values match before getting into marriage. Although other differences can be accommodated and tolerated, a difference in values is particularly problematic if the goal is long-lasting love. Another secret for a long marriage: Both partners need to commit to making it work, no matter what. The only thing that can break up a relationship are the partners themselves."
— Kelly Campbell, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at California State University, San Bernardino

9. Try a nicer approach.

"Research has shown that the way a problem is brought up determines both how the rest of that conversation will go and how the rest of the relationship will go. Many times an issue is brought up by attacking or blaming one’s partner, also known as criticism, and one of the killers of a relationship. So start gently. Instead of saying, 'You always leave your dishes all over the place! Why can’t you pick anything up?' try a more gentle approach, focusing on your own emotional reaction and a positive request. For example: 'I get annoyed when I see dishes in the living room. Would you please put them back in the kitchen when you’re finished?'"
— Carrie Cole, M.Ed., LPC-S, a certified Gottman therapist and master trainer for The Gottman Institute

10. Make sure you're meeting your partner's needs.

"The number one thing I have learned about love is that it is a trade and a social exchange, not just a feeling. Loving relationships are a process by which we get our needs met and meet the needs of our partners too. When that exchange is mutually satisfying, then good feelings continue to flow. When it is not, then things turn sour, and the relationship ends. That is why it is important to pay attention to what you and your partner actually do for each other as expressions of love... not just how you feel about each other in the moment."
— Jeremy Nicholson, Ph.D., psychologist and dating expert

11. Take care of yourself.

"There is one major cause of relationship problems: self-abandonment. We can 'abandon' ourselves in many areas: emotional (judging or ignoring our feelings), financial (spending irresponsibly), organizational (being late or messy), physical (eating badly, not exercising), relational (creating conflict in a relationship), or spiritual (depending too much on your partner for love). When you decide to learn to love yourself rather than continue to abandon yourself, you will discover how to create a loving relationship with your partner."
— Margaret Paul, Ph.D., relationship expert and co-creator of Inner Bonding

12. Don't forget to keep things hot.

"Many times people become increasingly shy with the person they love the more as time goes by. Partners begin to take their love for granted and forget to keep themselves turned on and to continue to seduce their partner. Keep your 'sex esteem' alive by keeping up certain practices on a regular basis. This allows you to remain vibrant, sexy, and engaged in your love life."
— Sari Cooper, LCSW, licensed individual, couples, and sex therapist

13. Remove the pressure on performance.

"The penis-vagina model of sex comes with pressures, such as having an orgasm at the same time or the idea that an orgasm should happen with penetration. With these strict expectations come a pressure on performance that ultimately leads many to feel a sense of failure and frustration. Instead, try to expand your concept of sex to include anything that involves close, intimate connection with your partner, such as sensual massages, taking a nice shower or bath together, reading an erotic story together, playing with some fun toys… the possibilities are endless. And if orgasm happens, great, and if not, that's OK too. When you expand your definition of sex and lower the pressure on orgasm and penetration, the anxiety around performance dissipates and your satisfaction can escalate."
— Chelsea Holland, DHS, MS, sex and relationship therapist at The Intimacy Institute

14. Create a fulfilling life for yourself.

"Like many people, I grew up believing that marriage required self-sacrifice. Lots of it. My wife, Linda, helped me see that I didn’t have to become a martyr and sacrifice my own happiness in order to make our marriage work. She showed me that my responsibility in creating a fulfilling and joyful life for myself was as important as anything else that I could do for her or the kids. Over the years, it’s become increasingly clear to me that my responsibility to provide for my own well-being is as important as my responsibility to others. This is easier said than done, but it is perhaps the single most important thing we can do to ensure that our relationship will be mutually satisfying."
— Charlie Bloom, MSW, relationship expert and author of Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truth from Real Couples about Lasting Love

15. Identify your "good conflicts," and work on them together.

"Every couple has what I call a 'good conflict.' In long-term relationships, we often feel that the thing you most need from your partner is the very thing he or she is least capable of giving you. This isn't the end of love—it's the beginning of deeper love! Don't run from that conflict. It's supposed to be there. In fact, it's your key to happiness as a couple—if you both can name it and commit to working on it together as a couple. If you approach your 'good conflicts' with bitterness, blame, and contempt, your relationship will turn toxic."

Ways to Avoid Heartbreak: 3 Ways to Spot a Cheater

Most people have been there.  Either personally or vicariously, at one time or another, you have experienced the heartbreaking cycle of love and betrayal. Wouldn't it be great if you could spot the red flags of potential infidelity before you fall in love?  Research reveals that in many cases, you can.

1. History Repeats Itself
For some unfaithful partners, a relational indiscretion is an isolated incident, never to be repeated. They learn their lesson after losing a cherished relationship due to their own infidelity.  But not all straying partners cheat only once.  Some become serial offenders.  In these cases, knowing about a partner´s relational past may predict the future.
Knopp et al. (2017) explored risk for serial infidelity by tracking adults through two romantic relationships, having them report their infidelity.[i] They found that people who reported cheating in a first relationship were three times more likely to report cheating in their next relationship, as compared to faithful partners.
More broadly, their study results indicated that people who had been unfaithful themselves, knew that a partner had been unfaithful or suspected he or she had been, were at higher risk of having similar infidelity experiences in their next romantic relationship. They found no evidence, however, that a partner´s past infidelity (suspected or known) impacted a person´s own infidelity.

2. Calculating Mate Market Value
Although it sounds unromantic and impersonal to say the least, research reveals some partners size each other up in terms of market value.
Starratt et al. (2017) sought to determine the factors that make it more likely a partner will be unfaithful.[ii] Their research focused on mate value, defined as “an individual's overall attractiveness as a potential mate on the “mating market.” They found that reporting an intention to be unfaithful is higher when infidelity is more likely to increase one´s own mate value, or lead to a replacement partner of higher value.
They uncovered two factors that predicted infidelity: surgency (for women) and agreeableness/commitment (for men).  They note that women reportedly higher in surgency, defined here as “a trait indicative of one's interest in and ability to become upwardly mobile in a social hierarchy,” were more likely to report an intention to be unfaithful.
For men, the researchers note that when considering partner mate value traits, men who are more commitment oriented and/ or agreeable are likely to catch the attention of other women, who may be higher in value than their current partners and who may be willing to engage in sexual activity.  Therefore, because the perception of relational alternatives is one predictor of infidelity, so too is men´s commitment-orientation/ agreeability.

3. Negative Communication
Beyond past indiscretions and market value, relational challenges also contribute to projected infidelity.
Allenn et al. (2008) found that found that generally, couples that suffer from marital infidelity experience more problematic communication before marriage, such as less positive interaction, and more negative and invalidating interaction.[iii]
Some couples predict infidelity shortly after the marriage.  In a study asking newlyweds whether they believed they were likely to be unfaithful, Shackelford et al. (2008) found results linking personality and marital satisfaction with anticipated infidelity.[iv]
They found some support for the fact that partners with spouses that are particularly disagreeable or unreliable were less satisfied with their marriages, leading them to estimate they are more likely to have an extramarital affair within the next year.

Living Happily and Faithfully Ever After
Choosing a mate who will be loving and faithful is an admirable, yet attainable goal.  Thoughtfully and patiently getting to know a new love interest is time well spent investing in your future.  Some things are meant to be taken slowly; a successful relationship is one of them.

How to End a Relationship Properly

You’ve been mulling it over for a while now and the time has come to breakup with your partner. For whatever reason, vows were broken or you just know they’re not the one, you’ve made up your mind to break things off. But it’s hard to know how to end a relationship the right way. Often, many will opt to breakup over text or even tell their partner they “just need a break” as a way to soften the blow. But, you’re only postponing the inevitable and dragging out the pain for both people.
Don’t say you need a break if you’re set on terminating the relationship, said licensed marriage and family therapist, Dr. Paul Hokemeyer. “The best time is when you’re 90% sure that it’s the right thing for you to do. Don’t wait for the decision to be 100%. You’ll be waiting around in relational purgatory for far too long and wasting a lot of precious time there if you do.”
A breakup is rarely smooth, so here are some tips for how to end a relationship properly:
Choose the time and place carefully.
Decide on a time when you know you’ll have the privacy to talk it out. “Don’t ruin a special day for them or do it when both of you are on the way to work. Choose a time when it can be discussed respectfully and the other person does not feel ambushed,” said licensed clinical psychologist and author of “Should I Stay or Should I go? Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist” Dr. Ramani Durvasula.
Break it off in person.
You may be tempted to take the easy way out and text, since it’s normal to want to avoid conflict. “Schedule a face to face meeting in a neutral and public space with a distinct beginning and end. A neutral space will allow you to enter and exit with autonomy and strength. The public nature of the space will keep the process contained,” said Hokemeyer. If you fear your partner may physically retaliate or it’s logistically impossible to break up in person, as a last resort you can break up over the phone.
Be direct and honest, yet gentle and respectful.
Nobody wants to be left, but when you know it’s over, there is no point in prolonging the agony. “You’ll be compelled to hedge your truth, but don’t,” said Hokemeyer. “It will only drag the process out and add to its messiness.” In the same sense, don’t make it a laundry list of their failures. It also doesn’t help to just talk about ephemeral stuff like magic and connection. “Relationships end often because of behavioral stuff (e.g. what someone did or did not do), so stick to the facts,” added Durvasula.
Choose your words wisely.
Stick to “I” phrases. For example, “I need to tell you that our relationship is not working for me and I am going to call it off”. Be honest with your reasoning but don’t spend all your time defending yourself and your decision to end the relationship. Hokemeyer says to avoid trite phases, such as “this isn’t about you, it’s about me.”  “Of course it’s about them. If they met your needs and expectations you wouldn’t be breaking up with them,” he said.
Don’t offer false hope.
You may feel propelled to offer a continued friendship with your now ex, but unless that’s what you really want, don’t make promises you can’t keep just to assuage their sadness or you may risk having to start this whole painful process again. “Make sure you are firm and unwavering in your commitment. It’s all too easy to waffle and be pulled off course by your partner’s disappointment and ego injury so don’t get sucked into the whole perpetrator victim drama,” says Hokemeyer.
Give them space to process.
Your now ex is going to be upset, but it’s not your job to fix their emotions nor are you the best candidate to comfort them right now. “Let them have their emotions and opportunity to vent. It may hurt to hear some of it—athey have the right to feel the way they feel. Ask them what would feel better—a you there or not there—and then act in accordance with their wishes,” said Durvasula.
Take care of yourself afterwards.
You may feel like scum after the deed is done, but don’t. “Don’t beat yourself up for standing up for yourself and honoring your needs. You deserve to be happy and aspire to personal and sexual fulfillment in your romantic relationships,” said Hokemeyer. It’s best to have a social support system in place as you’ll need the comfort and support of your friends and family immediately after you deliver the news and for the weeks and months after.

How to Break Up With a Serious Boyfriend

Dear Joan Actually,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over two years. When we met, I wasn’t looking for anything serious and neither was he, so the dating was great. We fit together from the beginning. The dates escalated into a relationship, and with the exception of minor spats, it sorta evolved. It’s all kind of a blur, really. I don’t think I could imagine a better guy; he encourages me, loves my family, and takes a genuine interest in making me happy. Since we’re in our early 30’s, the marriage conversation keeps coming up. He says things like “when we get married” or “our kids would be funny”, and I feel overwhelmed and disengaged. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I do. It’s been two years without problems, so why can’t I see a future? I can’t imagine meeting someone better, but I don’t want to hold him back from finding all those things he’s ready for. He’s perfect, I feel crazy, and I don’t know how to cut the cord or if I even should. 
-Arlington, VA
Relationship uncertainty is like treading water: you can only stay afloat for so long. Juggling a boyfriend you love with the inescapable feeling that you can’t move forward with him is heartbreaking, and the gnawing feelings will persist—and worsen—until you or he decides that your relationship has run its course.
Spending your time figuring out why he’s not the one is a waste of time; matters of the heart frequently defy logic. Perhaps you’re not ready, perhaps he’s not the same guy you started dating; the reason  is irrelevant because these are problems you can’t solve. Accurately diagnosing your relationship will not lead to a cure, it will only prolong the agony inherent in a relationship that’s not meant to be.
Don’t let the fear of being alone guide your decision making; it’s not a good enough reason. Decide what you need to feel, and if your boyfriend is capable of making you feel that way. If something is missing, stop negotiating with yourself and start listening to your gut. Negotiating not only delays the break-up that should happen, it also forces you to settle. Don’t let him be the one you settle for; he’s doesn’t deserve that.
Parting on good terms hinges on breaking up appropriately and sparing him as much pain as possible. If you’re wondering how to break up, here are a few key things to consider.
1. Deliver the news in a semi-private place. Go for a walk or use a park bench. Do not break up at home; you will both need space and privacy after talking.
2. Do it in person. Unless there is substantial distance involved, you owe your partner face time. Phone is second best. Email or text is not acceptable.
3. Consider the time. Wait until the end of the work day. A Friday evening break-up will give you both a chance to regroup over the weekend.
4. Finally, be clear, be considerate, and be firm. “I love you, but for reasons that I can’t quite explain, I can’t give you the future you want. If I could change my feelings I would, but I know that I need to end our relationship.”
When you love someone, you owe them your honesty. And, to end the wrong relationship with a man you love will hurt and will be devastating, but you’ll bounce back because you know, in your heart of hearts, that you did the right thing.

How to Make the First Move and Message a Man Online

Stuck staring at your inbox waiting for that great guy you matched with to send you a message already? Why not take initiative and message him first? According to a study of online dating data, women who send an online dating first message are 2.5 times more likely to get a response than men are. And the men they get responses from tend to be more attractive too. (That’s a win-win situation right there.) So what should you say in your online dating messages if you’re a woman trying to make the first move?
To help you out, here are four quick tips to on how to initiate conversations with men while online dating:
1. Don’t mass message
Sending out dozens of the same messages to different guys is the online dating equivalent of running a call center. Yes, you might get a few men who are interested and write back. But will you be interested in them and will they be a good match for you? Probably not. Only send messages to men who actually strike your fancy.
2. Be sincere in your approach
One of the cardinal rules in an online dating first message is to say more than hi. If you think about some of the worst messages you’ve received from men, even men you liked, many of them were probably a bland hello or “how’s it going?” How is someone supposed to respond to that?! Don’t make the same mistake. Instead, find something you have in common in his profile and start the conversation with that. Did you both grow up in San Diego? Great. Ask him where his favorite hike or restaurant in the area is. If you don’t have anything in common, pick out something about him you want to learn more about. Does he have a cool picture of the sunset? Ask him where he took it.
3. Don’t expect a reply to every message
While it can be frustrating to craft a meaningful message only to hear nothing back, it’s only natural. Everyone who’s dated online, even the most attractive and successful people, don’t hear back from everyone they’ve matched with. Men don’t receive as many messages as women but that doesn’t mean they can’t be unresponsive too. So don’t let it get you down. While online dating, you’ll both reject people and be rejected. It’s part of the process of learning who and what you’re truly looking for. Try to focus on the people who are genuinely interested in you and don’t worry about those who aren’t.
4. Engage in a conversation to see if you want to meet up
First message sent? Great. Now follow up with some killer conversation. A great first message doesn’t mean much without rapport. That’s why you have to keep the conversation going. Don’t just answer his questions without asking him something back—that puts all the pressure on him. Instead follow up and make it easier for him to respond to you so both of you are moving things forward.
Making the first move is always tough and it can feel daunting to put yourself out there. But without that effort, you’re the one waiting for the right man to message you. But for all you know, maybe the right one is waiting for you to message him.