8 Reasons happy Couples Rarely share their relationships status on social media

I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets a little annoyed by that couple on social media. You know who I'm talking about. Their profile pictures are selfies of them together smiling. Their statuses are inside jokes or cheesy relationship goals. But when you actually spend time with them, you're wondering why they're together.

Unlike their public facade, behind closed doors, this couple is always bickering about everything from chores to finances, and they seem on the verge of breaking up.

It becomes so tiresome that you long for the days when a social-media status was merely a shout out in your AIM profile. Unfortunately, social media has evolved to become a part of our daily lives -- which includes sharing too much information about our relationships.

The thing is, genuinely happy couples don't have to boast about it. In fact, they hardly discuss their relationship on social media. Here are eight reasons why over-posting couples may not be doing as well as they make it seem.

1. They're convincing others to convince themselves.

When two people constantly post inside jokes, confess their love for each other, or share pictures of themselves doing fun and romantic activities, it's a ploy to convince everyone else they're in a happy and healthy relationship, which is really just a way to trick themselves into thinking they're in a happy and healthy relationship.

Sexologist Nikki Goldstein told Mail Online: "Often it's the people who post the most who are seeking validation for their relationship from other people on social media.

"The likes and comments can be so validating that when someone is really struggling, that's where they get their up from -- not the person making the gesture, but what other people will say about it."

2. People who post more often are more likely to be psychopathic and narcissistic.

A survey of 800 men ages 18 to 40 found that "narcissism and psychopathy predicted the number of selfies posted, whereas narcissism and self-objectification predicted editing photographs of oneself posted" on social-media networks.

Another study discovered that posting, tagging, and commenting on Facebook is often associated with narcissism in both men and women.

In short, the more often you post or engage on social media, the more likely you are to be either narcissistic or, even worse, psychopathic. And in case you're wondering, "Narcissists are very bad relationship partners," says professor Brad Bushman of Ohio State University.

3. When you're happy, you don't get distracted by social media.

Sure. There will be plenty of times where you'll share a status or a couple of pictures of you and your significant other. Happy couples, though, are busy enjoying each other's company in the present. This means that they're not going to stop enjoying each other's company just to post a status or snap a selfie.

That's why you'll see this couple post a collage of their recent trip after they get home. They were too preoccupied with having fun to keep posting pictures.

4. Couples who post a lot tend to be insecure.

After surveying more than 100 couples, researchers from Northwestern University found those who posted more frequently on social media about their partner actually feel insecure in their relationship.

5. Couples are better off when they keep arguments offline.

Have you ever been in the presence of couple that's fighting? It's awkward, to say the least. Now imagine that fight playing out for the whole world to see on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or YouTube?

Instead of filming and uploading an anger and profanity-filled video, for example, the argument should be discussed in private between the couple. There's no need to air your dirty laundry to all of your friends, family, co-workers, or even clients.

6. Those who post more often on social media rely on their relationship for happiness.

Researchers from Albright College call this Relationship Contingent Self-Esteem (RCSE). RCSE is described as "an unhealthy form of self-esteem that depends on how well your relationship is going." These people use social media to brag about their relationship, make others jealous, or even spy on their partner.

"These results suggest that those high in RCSE feel a need to show others, their partners and perhaps themselves that their relationship is 'OK' and, thus, they are OK," said Albright assistant professor of psychology Gwendolyn Seidman, PhD.

7. They don't have anything to prove.

Couples that are genuinely happy do not need validation from social media to prove how happy they are. They don't need to show-off, make anyone else jealous, or keep tabs on their significant other. They're so secure and content in the relationship that there's no need to gush about it.

8. People who stay off Facebook are happier.

Denmark's Happiness Research Institute wanted to know what would happen if people quit Facebook for a week. So, they conducted an experiment that involved 1,095 people.

"After one week without Facebook, the treatment group reported a significantly higher level of life satisfaction," stated the researchers.

Prior to the experiment, the volunteers were asked to rate their lives on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the happiest. The "no Facebook" group increased from an average of 7.75/10 to 8.12/10, while the group that kept using Facebook actually decreased from 7.67/10 to 7.56/10.

The researchers also found that frequent Facebook users were more likely to feel angry (20 percent versus 12 percent), depressed (33 percent versus 22 percent) and worried (54 percent versus 41 percent).

Conclusion

In reality, it doesn't really matter what all the research says. It matters what you think and feel. However, the comments and findings from professionals may be something to at least take a look at. And if you feel you, a partner or friend has a "social media" issue, you may want to take a much closer look.

Here's What 15 Relationship Experts Want to Teach You About Love

Relationships don’t look like they used to (and that's a good thing). But what does it honestly take to make a modern romance work? As part of Committed, we're exploring partnerships ranging from a textbook marriage between high-school sweethearts to a gay couple creating a life together in the conservative deep South.
If binge-watching Gilmore Girls, Scandal, or The Good Wife has taught us anything, it's that relationships are messy. Personal experience proves it too: From our eighth-grade romance to our most recent breakup drama, "love isn't easy" is a life lesson we know all too well.
No matter your status—single, dating, engaged, or married—relationships take work. And whether they end with tears and empty Ben & Jerry's or last until forever may depend upon countless factors, but your own actions, words, and thoughts undoubtedly play a role.
One thing that'll give you an advantage in the game of love? Soaking up all the wisdom you can from relationship therapists, researchers, matchmakers, and more. Here, we've distilled it down to the very best advice 15 experts have learned. Regardless of your personal situation, their words may help you uncover the key to long-lasting happiness.

1. Do or say something daily to show your appreciation.

"Saying and doing small, simple expressions of gratitude every day yields big rewards. When people feel recognized as special and appreciated, they're happier in that relationship and more motivated to make the relationship better and stronger. And when I say simple, I really mean it. Make small gestures that show you're paying attention: Hug, kiss, hold hands, buy a small gift, send a card, fix a favorite dessert, put gas in the car, or tell your partner, 'You're sexy,' 'You're the best dad,' or simply say 'Thank you for being so wonderful.'"
— Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., professor at Oakland University and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great

2. Realize every relationship has value, regardless of how long it lasts.

"There’s no such thing as a failed romance. Relationships simply evolve into what they were always meant to be. It’s best not to try to make something that is meant to be seasonal or temporary into a lifelong relationship. Let go and enjoy the journey."
— April Beyer, matchmaker and dating and relationship expert

3. Never take your partner for granted.

"This may sound obvious, but you can't imagine how many people come to couples therapy too late, when their partner is done with a relationship and wants to end it. It is very important to realize that everyone potentially has a breaking point, and if their needs are not met or they don't feel seen by the other, they will more than likely find it somewhere else. Many people assume that just because they are OK without things they want so is their partner. 'No relationship is perfect' shouldn't be used as a rationalization for complacency."
— Irina Firstein, LCSW, individual and couples therapist

4. Remember to take breaks.

"A friend taught me that no matter how in love you are or how long you've been together, it's important to take an exhale from your partnership. Hang out with girlfriends until late in the evening, take a weekend trip to visit family, or just spend time 'doing you' for a while. Then when you go home to Yours Truly, you'll both be recharged and ready to come together even stronger."
— Amy Baglan, CEO of MeetMindful, a dating site for people into healthy living, well-being, and mindfulness

5. It's not what you fight about—it's how you fight.

"Researchers have found that four conflict messages are able to predict whether couples remain together or get divorced: contempt, criticism, stonewalling (or withdrawal), and defensiveness. Together, they're known as the 'Four Horsemen of Divorce.' Instead of resorting to these negative tactics, fight fairly: Look for places where each partner's goal overlaps into a shared common goal and build from that. Also, focus on using 'I' vs. 'you' language."
— Sean M. Horan, Ph.D., assistant professor of communication, Texas State University

6. Stop trying to be each other’s “everything.”

"'You are my everything' is a lousy pop-song lyric and an even worse relationship plan. No one can be 'everything' to anyone. Create relationships outside The Relationship, or The Relationship isn't going to work anymore."
— Matt Lundquist, LCSW, couples therapist

7. Don't just go for the big O.

"Sex isn't just about orgasms. It's about sensation, emotional intimacy, stress relief, improved health (improved immune and cardiovascular system), and increased emotional bonding with your partner, thanks to the wonderful release of hormones due to physical touch. There are many more reasons to have sex than just getting off."
— Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D., licensed marriage and sex therapist, expert at Adam and Eve, and Greatist expert

8. Look for someone with similar values.

You might also like

• 7 Things You Should Absolutely Stop Apologizing For
• Got Brown Eyes? Here's What That Says About You
• This Is the Exact Number of Calories You Burn During Sex

"For long-lasting love, the more similarity (e.g., age, education, values, personality, hobbies), the better. Partners should be especially sure that their values match before getting into marriage. Although other differences can be accommodated and tolerated, a difference in values is particularly problematic if the goal is long-lasting love. Another secret for a long marriage: Both partners need to commit to making it work, no matter what. The only thing that can break up a relationship are the partners themselves."
— Kelly Campbell, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at California State University, San Bernardino

9. Try a nicer approach.

"Research has shown that the way a problem is brought up determines both how the rest of that conversation will go and how the rest of the relationship will go. Many times an issue is brought up by attacking or blaming one’s partner, also known as criticism, and one of the killers of a relationship. So start gently. Instead of saying, 'You always leave your dishes all over the place! Why can’t you pick anything up?' try a more gentle approach, focusing on your own emotional reaction and a positive request. For example: 'I get annoyed when I see dishes in the living room. Would you please put them back in the kitchen when you’re finished?'"
— Carrie Cole, M.Ed., LPC-S, a certified Gottman therapist and master trainer for The Gottman Institute

10. Make sure you're meeting your partner's needs.

"The number one thing I have learned about love is that it is a trade and a social exchange, not just a feeling. Loving relationships are a process by which we get our needs met and meet the needs of our partners too. When that exchange is mutually satisfying, then good feelings continue to flow. When it is not, then things turn sour, and the relationship ends. That is why it is important to pay attention to what you and your partner actually do for each other as expressions of love... not just how you feel about each other in the moment."
— Jeremy Nicholson, Ph.D., psychologist and dating expert

11. Take care of yourself.

"There is one major cause of relationship problems: self-abandonment. We can 'abandon' ourselves in many areas: emotional (judging or ignoring our feelings), financial (spending irresponsibly), organizational (being late or messy), physical (eating badly, not exercising), relational (creating conflict in a relationship), or spiritual (depending too much on your partner for love). When you decide to learn to love yourself rather than continue to abandon yourself, you will discover how to create a loving relationship with your partner."
— Margaret Paul, Ph.D., relationship expert and co-creator of Inner Bonding

12. Don't forget to keep things hot.

"Many times people become increasingly shy with the person they love the more as time goes by. Partners begin to take their love for granted and forget to keep themselves turned on and to continue to seduce their partner. Keep your 'sex esteem' alive by keeping up certain practices on a regular basis. This allows you to remain vibrant, sexy, and engaged in your love life."
— Sari Cooper, LCSW, licensed individual, couples, and sex therapist

13. Remove the pressure on performance.

"The penis-vagina model of sex comes with pressures, such as having an orgasm at the same time or the idea that an orgasm should happen with penetration. With these strict expectations come a pressure on performance that ultimately leads many to feel a sense of failure and frustration. Instead, try to expand your concept of sex to include anything that involves close, intimate connection with your partner, such as sensual massages, taking a nice shower or bath together, reading an erotic story together, playing with some fun toys… the possibilities are endless. And if orgasm happens, great, and if not, that's OK too. When you expand your definition of sex and lower the pressure on orgasm and penetration, the anxiety around performance dissipates and your satisfaction can escalate."
— Chelsea Holland, DHS, MS, sex and relationship therapist at The Intimacy Institute

14. Create a fulfilling life for yourself.

"Like many people, I grew up believing that marriage required self-sacrifice. Lots of it. My wife, Linda, helped me see that I didn’t have to become a martyr and sacrifice my own happiness in order to make our marriage work. She showed me that my responsibility in creating a fulfilling and joyful life for myself was as important as anything else that I could do for her or the kids. Over the years, it’s become increasingly clear to me that my responsibility to provide for my own well-being is as important as my responsibility to others. This is easier said than done, but it is perhaps the single most important thing we can do to ensure that our relationship will be mutually satisfying."
— Charlie Bloom, MSW, relationship expert and author of Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truth from Real Couples about Lasting Love

15. Identify your "good conflicts," and work on them together.

"Every couple has what I call a 'good conflict.' In long-term relationships, we often feel that the thing you most need from your partner is the very thing he or she is least capable of giving you. This isn't the end of love—it's the beginning of deeper love! Don't run from that conflict. It's supposed to be there. In fact, it's your key to happiness as a couple—if you both can name it and commit to working on it together as a couple. If you approach your 'good conflicts' with bitterness, blame, and contempt, your relationship will turn toxic."

Ways to Avoid Heartbreak: 3 Ways to Spot a Cheater

Most people have been there.  Either personally or vicariously, at one time or another, you have experienced the heartbreaking cycle of love and betrayal. Wouldn't it be great if you could spot the red flags of potential infidelity before you fall in love?  Research reveals that in many cases, you can.

1. History Repeats Itself
For some unfaithful partners, a relational indiscretion is an isolated incident, never to be repeated. They learn their lesson after losing a cherished relationship due to their own infidelity.  But not all straying partners cheat only once.  Some become serial offenders.  In these cases, knowing about a partner´s relational past may predict the future.
Knopp et al. (2017) explored risk for serial infidelity by tracking adults through two romantic relationships, having them report their infidelity.[i] They found that people who reported cheating in a first relationship were three times more likely to report cheating in their next relationship, as compared to faithful partners.
More broadly, their study results indicated that people who had been unfaithful themselves, knew that a partner had been unfaithful or suspected he or she had been, were at higher risk of having similar infidelity experiences in their next romantic relationship. They found no evidence, however, that a partner´s past infidelity (suspected or known) impacted a person´s own infidelity.

2. Calculating Mate Market Value
Although it sounds unromantic and impersonal to say the least, research reveals some partners size each other up in terms of market value.
Starratt et al. (2017) sought to determine the factors that make it more likely a partner will be unfaithful.[ii] Their research focused on mate value, defined as “an individual's overall attractiveness as a potential mate on the “mating market.” They found that reporting an intention to be unfaithful is higher when infidelity is more likely to increase one´s own mate value, or lead to a replacement partner of higher value.
They uncovered two factors that predicted infidelity: surgency (for women) and agreeableness/commitment (for men).  They note that women reportedly higher in surgency, defined here as “a trait indicative of one's interest in and ability to become upwardly mobile in a social hierarchy,” were more likely to report an intention to be unfaithful.
For men, the researchers note that when considering partner mate value traits, men who are more commitment oriented and/ or agreeable are likely to catch the attention of other women, who may be higher in value than their current partners and who may be willing to engage in sexual activity.  Therefore, because the perception of relational alternatives is one predictor of infidelity, so too is men´s commitment-orientation/ agreeability.

3. Negative Communication
Beyond past indiscretions and market value, relational challenges also contribute to projected infidelity.
Allenn et al. (2008) found that found that generally, couples that suffer from marital infidelity experience more problematic communication before marriage, such as less positive interaction, and more negative and invalidating interaction.[iii]
Some couples predict infidelity shortly after the marriage.  In a study asking newlyweds whether they believed they were likely to be unfaithful, Shackelford et al. (2008) found results linking personality and marital satisfaction with anticipated infidelity.[iv]
They found some support for the fact that partners with spouses that are particularly disagreeable or unreliable were less satisfied with their marriages, leading them to estimate they are more likely to have an extramarital affair within the next year.

Living Happily and Faithfully Ever After
Choosing a mate who will be loving and faithful is an admirable, yet attainable goal.  Thoughtfully and patiently getting to know a new love interest is time well spent investing in your future.  Some things are meant to be taken slowly; a successful relationship is one of them.

How to End a Relationship Properly

You’ve been mulling it over for a while now and the time has come to breakup with your partner. For whatever reason, vows were broken or you just know they’re not the one, you’ve made up your mind to break things off. But it’s hard to know how to end a relationship the right way. Often, many will opt to breakup over text or even tell their partner they “just need a break” as a way to soften the blow. But, you’re only postponing the inevitable and dragging out the pain for both people.
Don’t say you need a break if you’re set on terminating the relationship, said licensed marriage and family therapist, Dr. Paul Hokemeyer. “The best time is when you’re 90% sure that it’s the right thing for you to do. Don’t wait for the decision to be 100%. You’ll be waiting around in relational purgatory for far too long and wasting a lot of precious time there if you do.”
A breakup is rarely smooth, so here are some tips for how to end a relationship properly:
Choose the time and place carefully.
Decide on a time when you know you’ll have the privacy to talk it out. “Don’t ruin a special day for them or do it when both of you are on the way to work. Choose a time when it can be discussed respectfully and the other person does not feel ambushed,” said licensed clinical psychologist and author of “Should I Stay or Should I go? Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist” Dr. Ramani Durvasula.
Break it off in person.
You may be tempted to take the easy way out and text, since it’s normal to want to avoid conflict. “Schedule a face to face meeting in a neutral and public space with a distinct beginning and end. A neutral space will allow you to enter and exit with autonomy and strength. The public nature of the space will keep the process contained,” said Hokemeyer. If you fear your partner may physically retaliate or it’s logistically impossible to break up in person, as a last resort you can break up over the phone.
Be direct and honest, yet gentle and respectful.
Nobody wants to be left, but when you know it’s over, there is no point in prolonging the agony. “You’ll be compelled to hedge your truth, but don’t,” said Hokemeyer. “It will only drag the process out and add to its messiness.” In the same sense, don’t make it a laundry list of their failures. It also doesn’t help to just talk about ephemeral stuff like magic and connection. “Relationships end often because of behavioral stuff (e.g. what someone did or did not do), so stick to the facts,” added Durvasula.
Choose your words wisely.
Stick to “I” phrases. For example, “I need to tell you that our relationship is not working for me and I am going to call it off”. Be honest with your reasoning but don’t spend all your time defending yourself and your decision to end the relationship. Hokemeyer says to avoid trite phases, such as “this isn’t about you, it’s about me.”  “Of course it’s about them. If they met your needs and expectations you wouldn’t be breaking up with them,” he said.
Don’t offer false hope.
You may feel propelled to offer a continued friendship with your now ex, but unless that’s what you really want, don’t make promises you can’t keep just to assuage their sadness or you may risk having to start this whole painful process again. “Make sure you are firm and unwavering in your commitment. It’s all too easy to waffle and be pulled off course by your partner’s disappointment and ego injury so don’t get sucked into the whole perpetrator victim drama,” says Hokemeyer.
Give them space to process.
Your now ex is going to be upset, but it’s not your job to fix their emotions nor are you the best candidate to comfort them right now. “Let them have their emotions and opportunity to vent. It may hurt to hear some of it—athey have the right to feel the way they feel. Ask them what would feel better—a you there or not there—and then act in accordance with their wishes,” said Durvasula.
Take care of yourself afterwards.
You may feel like scum after the deed is done, but don’t. “Don’t beat yourself up for standing up for yourself and honoring your needs. You deserve to be happy and aspire to personal and sexual fulfillment in your romantic relationships,” said Hokemeyer. It’s best to have a social support system in place as you’ll need the comfort and support of your friends and family immediately after you deliver the news and for the weeks and months after.

How to Break Up With a Serious Boyfriend

Dear Joan Actually,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over two years. When we met, I wasn’t looking for anything serious and neither was he, so the dating was great. We fit together from the beginning. The dates escalated into a relationship, and with the exception of minor spats, it sorta evolved. It’s all kind of a blur, really. I don’t think I could imagine a better guy; he encourages me, loves my family, and takes a genuine interest in making me happy. Since we’re in our early 30’s, the marriage conversation keeps coming up. He says things like “when we get married” or “our kids would be funny”, and I feel overwhelmed and disengaged. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I do. It’s been two years without problems, so why can’t I see a future? I can’t imagine meeting someone better, but I don’t want to hold him back from finding all those things he’s ready for. He’s perfect, I feel crazy, and I don’t know how to cut the cord or if I even should. 
-Arlington, VA
Relationship uncertainty is like treading water: you can only stay afloat for so long. Juggling a boyfriend you love with the inescapable feeling that you can’t move forward with him is heartbreaking, and the gnawing feelings will persist—and worsen—until you or he decides that your relationship has run its course.
Spending your time figuring out why he’s not the one is a waste of time; matters of the heart frequently defy logic. Perhaps you’re not ready, perhaps he’s not the same guy you started dating; the reason  is irrelevant because these are problems you can’t solve. Accurately diagnosing your relationship will not lead to a cure, it will only prolong the agony inherent in a relationship that’s not meant to be.
Don’t let the fear of being alone guide your decision making; it’s not a good enough reason. Decide what you need to feel, and if your boyfriend is capable of making you feel that way. If something is missing, stop negotiating with yourself and start listening to your gut. Negotiating not only delays the break-up that should happen, it also forces you to settle. Don’t let him be the one you settle for; he’s doesn’t deserve that.
Parting on good terms hinges on breaking up appropriately and sparing him as much pain as possible. If you’re wondering how to break up, here are a few key things to consider.
1. Deliver the news in a semi-private place. Go for a walk or use a park bench. Do not break up at home; you will both need space and privacy after talking.
2. Do it in person. Unless there is substantial distance involved, you owe your partner face time. Phone is second best. Email or text is not acceptable.
3. Consider the time. Wait until the end of the work day. A Friday evening break-up will give you both a chance to regroup over the weekend.
4. Finally, be clear, be considerate, and be firm. “I love you, but for reasons that I can’t quite explain, I can’t give you the future you want. If I could change my feelings I would, but I know that I need to end our relationship.”
When you love someone, you owe them your honesty. And, to end the wrong relationship with a man you love will hurt and will be devastating, but you’ll bounce back because you know, in your heart of hearts, that you did the right thing.

How to Make the First Move and Message a Man Online

Stuck staring at your inbox waiting for that great guy you matched with to send you a message already? Why not take initiative and message him first? According to a study of online dating data, women who send an online dating first message are 2.5 times more likely to get a response than men are. And the men they get responses from tend to be more attractive too. (That’s a win-win situation right there.) So what should you say in your online dating messages if you’re a woman trying to make the first move?
To help you out, here are four quick tips to on how to initiate conversations with men while online dating:
1. Don’t mass message
Sending out dozens of the same messages to different guys is the online dating equivalent of running a call center. Yes, you might get a few men who are interested and write back. But will you be interested in them and will they be a good match for you? Probably not. Only send messages to men who actually strike your fancy.
2. Be sincere in your approach
One of the cardinal rules in an online dating first message is to say more than hi. If you think about some of the worst messages you’ve received from men, even men you liked, many of them were probably a bland hello or “how’s it going?” How is someone supposed to respond to that?! Don’t make the same mistake. Instead, find something you have in common in his profile and start the conversation with that. Did you both grow up in San Diego? Great. Ask him where his favorite hike or restaurant in the area is. If you don’t have anything in common, pick out something about him you want to learn more about. Does he have a cool picture of the sunset? Ask him where he took it.
3. Don’t expect a reply to every message
While it can be frustrating to craft a meaningful message only to hear nothing back, it’s only natural. Everyone who’s dated online, even the most attractive and successful people, don’t hear back from everyone they’ve matched with. Men don’t receive as many messages as women but that doesn’t mean they can’t be unresponsive too. So don’t let it get you down. While online dating, you’ll both reject people and be rejected. It’s part of the process of learning who and what you’re truly looking for. Try to focus on the people who are genuinely interested in you and don’t worry about those who aren’t.
4. Engage in a conversation to see if you want to meet up
First message sent? Great. Now follow up with some killer conversation. A great first message doesn’t mean much without rapport. That’s why you have to keep the conversation going. Don’t just answer his questions without asking him something back—that puts all the pressure on him. Instead follow up and make it easier for him to respond to you so both of you are moving things forward.
Making the first move is always tough and it can feel daunting to put yourself out there. But without that effort, you’re the one waiting for the right man to message you. But for all you know, maybe the right one is waiting for you to message him.

The 15 Most Important Dating Tips for Women

When it comes to dating tips for women, one size doesn’t fit all. A young woman in her teens or 20s dates A LOT differently than a woman in her 30s and 40s. And while most woman generally want the same outcome, there are certain things women in their 30s and 40s know about dating that they disregarded or simply didn’t focus as much on in their younger years.
That’s why we talked to some of today’s top dating experts to see what they saw as the most important advice women in their 30s and 40s dating today should think about. After going through what they had to say, we came up with these 15 top dating tips for women who are out of their 20s and ready for something more serious.
1. Know your non-negotiables.
These would be those instant deal breakers of yours—he’s a smoker, a non-monogamist, a cat-lover, etc.—that instantly tell you to move on so you’re not wasting your time. “What are those three things that are not negotiable when you’re looking for a relationship?” asked relationship expert Dr. Melanie Mills. “Try not to include physical or financial attributes. Focus on character traits, personality type, and value systems.”
2. Don’t limit yourself.
“In your 20s you might have frowned when thinking about dating a guy with a child or one that had previously been married,” says Mills. But the chances are, if a man is is his 40s, there’s a higher probability he’s been married or has kids.  “Stay open to men that have been divorced,” she adds.
3. Don’t lie. Don’t even inflate the truth.
Sure, you want to impress each other, but honesty from the start is a prerequisite to trust, says psychotherapist, Dr. Jennifer Freed. “If the picture or description of your date was inaccurate then the rest of the relationship will be likely be filled with deceptions too.”
4. Forget about any texting and calling rules.
Rules like ‘wait 3 days to call back’ no longer apply. “If you treat dating and love like a game, someone—or both of you—will end up the loser,” says host of, The Rendezvous with Simon and Kim on iHeart Radio, Simon Marcel Badinter. “If you want to, call back in the next 24 hours. It has to be honest and spontaneous if you want to be respected and start a healthy relationship.”
5. Pay attention to the red flags.
You know that feeling you get when you know something isn’t quite right? If your date can’t answer simple questions about where he works or acts super shady, chances are something weird is going on. “Listen to what your gut is telling you,” says Mills. And that goes for behaviors too. If he’s already getting on your nerves and it’s only the first date that’s another indicator that you’re just not going to work.
6. Know who you are as a person.
This is a complex one but necessary to surviving in a rapid dating world, says sex and relationship expert, Dr. Nikki Goldstein. “Building strength and self-confidence is key. The reality of it is, dating can be hard and feelings can be hurt. But if you know who you are and how you want to be treated then you won’t allow someone (or the dating scene) to continually hurt or discourage you.”
7. Be emotionally available.
Maybe your past relationships haven’t turned out like you wanted them to, or you feel like every date in the past month was a lemon. Well, get over it. “It’s still up to you to open your heart—and keep it open. This can be scary because you don’t want to get hurt. However, in order to grow and connect, you must be available and vulnerable,” says Mills.
8. Watch the alcohol.
Especially on date number one. Not only can getting drunk be risky and a turnoff, it also clouds your judgement. “Using substances like alcohol or drugs is not a good first date. It’s away to avoid a genuine connection,” says Freed.
9. Remember that dating is an exploration.
Dating should be fun and nothing more than a way to meet and get to know another person, who may or may not be fit to share your life with you. “[Dating] is not a commitment. There is no obligation involved with dating. No one owes anyone anything ever,” says Freed. It’s easy to get excited about someone and start planning your future together, but remember that you’re both just figuring out if you even like each other first. Don’t put pressure on things by feeling like you owe each other something, you don’t.
10. Know your sexual boundaries.
“Many women can confuse sex and sexual desires with a guy’s interest in them. He wants sex, she also wants sex but thinks him wanting sex means there is something more,” says Goldstein. “Explore your sexual boundaries and know where they are and why they’re there.” And, even more importantly, don’t let yourself be pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do just because you want to gain someone’s interest.
11. Don’t hide your enthusiasm or interest.
One of the dating tips for women we hear a lot is not to let a man know you like him, or to play hard to get. Well, that’s just wrong. Sure, a little mystery may be sexy in the beginning, but the game gets old fast. Even research shows that playing too much hard-to-get makes others like you less. At a certain point, you just have to let the man know you’re interested.
12. Be the date that you want to have.
It’s not only your date’s responsibility to make the date a success, it’s your responsibility too. “Engage in dialogue. Put the cell phone away. Be attentive. Ask questions. Don’t bring up your ex. Take an interest in the details of his life by listening, paraphrasing, and engaging,” says Mills.
13. Ditch the dating wish list.
Have your non-negotiables and boundaries, but dating with a strict itemized wish list—he must make this much, be this tall, drive this car, be this funny—will only hold you back from men who could be great for you in real life and limit you to men who only look good on paper, says Goldstein. “If you need a wish list it should be small and include feeling words instead of car makes and job titles,” she adds.
14. Have fun and release the pressure.
It’s normal to feel pressure as you watch your friends get married and have children, but remember that every person’s path is different. “You don’t want to settle down with a guy who’s not right for you. Therefore, release the pressure you place on yourself to lock down your next date as your future husband. Take each date one date at a time and have fun,” says Mills.
15. Be your true self.
Any falseness or pretending will stop you from knowing that someone is into you. “If you’re real, you’ll get real results. Be brave, be true, and most of all, believe that someone will celebrate and desire you,” says Freed.

What It Means If You Love Your Partner But You're Not In Love With Them

  

OMG is one of the present articulations that wins our way of life; I hear it in air terminals, in the market, and see it posted all finished online networking. Actually, I utilize it myself in writings and messages with companions. What does it mean? The house is ablaze? I just observed a photograph of my first sweetheart 30 years after the fact? I heard something on the news, which blew my mind, or there is a wonderful new blossom on the rosebush?

There is an articulation among couples, frequently the opening sentence on the telephone calls to make an arrangement for the begin of a treatment session about connections.

"I adore her, yet I'm not in affection with her."

In the 35 years in which I have been a relationship instructor and holistic mentor and among the a huge number of couples I have seen, no less than 25 percent start with this announcement.

In spite of the fact that this is communicating a genuine inclination, it can mean numerous things. It as a rule takes the customer or couple a few sessions for them to find where it falls on the continuum. Is it a piece of the typical cycles of affection, or is it flagging the finish of the relationship?

My worry is that we translate this inclination, which is likewise about the nonappearance of another sort of feeling, as a sign the relationship is not going to last. Despite the fact that this may end up being reality, it is more probable it isn't.

Consider what you improve the situation a living. Is it accurate to say that you are an expert, an understudy, a craftsman or something to that affect? Would you be able to recollect when you had the possibility that conveyed you to this place? "I need to be a performer." "I quite recently landed the best position as a visual craftsman." "At last I'm a lawyer, police individual, kindergarten educator." This is frequently joined by a feeling of development and bliss, as if you have achieved the highest point of a mountain, a feeling of entry. After three months, when you're knee-somewhere down in work area work, organization inconveniences, or managing an unthinkable associate, what do you feel at that point? Does it mean you put in your acquiescence instantly? Most likely not—and it's the same in our connections.

We don't remain in that high place constantly. Some days are overcast, some are stormy, some are dim, and now and again the sun sparkles. Connections are occasional and recurrent, and the announcement, "I'm not in adoration with my sweetheart" can mean numerous a bigger number of things than "it's an ideal opportunity to clear out." Yet it appears that for such a significant number of individuals, that inclination is translated as the finish of the relationship—or possibly Very Big Trouble. Here are a portion of the numerous different things it can mean:

1. I need out of the relationship and am clear it's done, and I need to be pleasant about it. I would prefer not to offend my partner, and this is less demanding to state than "It's finished."

Consummation a relationship won't ever be decent or simple. It's agonizing and hard and not a solace to the individual being said a final farewell to that their accomplice cherishes them however is not in adoration with them.

2. I've met another person with whom I feel invigorated, similar to I used to with my present accomplice.

In the event that the essential criteria you are utilizing to end a relationship is, "This new individual influences me to feel invigorated and you don't any longer," odds are you will wind up in this place with the new individual later on. Your aliveness needs to originate from inside you; beginning to look all starry eyed at is a synthetic high that isn't intended to keep going forever.

3. I'm seeing we're contending a considerable measure and as opposed to feeling like you're my individual, I'm shutting off to you inwardly.

Everybody experiences issues and parts of their relationship that don't work. All couples have numerous irresolvable issues, and the distinction between the thrivers and jumpers is not whether they have contrasts between them but rather how they are overseen. This happens in light of the fact that we take in the abilities to deal with it, and fortunately anybody can learn aptitudes.

4. Sex has turned out to be dull, exhausting, or unsurprising.

Our sexual connections resemble alternate parts of our association—we have to discover better approaches to keep things alive. Similarly a sprinter can get a handle on wiped and after that push through the divider to locate an unexpected surge of energy and a superior high than at any other time, this regularly occurs in our lovemaking when we get somewhat imaginative.

5. The individual feeling this is discouraged and, since the Technicolor has left numerous things they once appreciated, this has occurred in the relationship too.

All in all, what do you do about it? All things considered, start by perceiving this as a sign that something needs to change; this inclination is a flag, and you won't recognize what it's expression until the point that you explore it.

Sex can be revived, closeness can be rediscovered, and sadness can be dealt with.

A long haul relationship has many seasons: Don't translate that sentiment not being infatuated as a formula for fiasco yet as a riddle to investigate and discover your way through.

More Tips To Improve Your Relationship Right Now

 

51. Set objectives.

Notwithstanding defining life objectives, set relationship objectives. For instance: We intend to get to know one another outside as opposed to before the TV.

52. Assume liability for your own particular satisfaction

Love is great, however toward the day's end the main individual we can consider responsible for our satisfaction is ourselves. Do charitable effort, work out, have supper gatherings—find what fulfills you, and go from that point.

MORE: WTF! Taylor Swift Has Never Walked a Red Carpet with a Boyfriend

53. Take in each other's contention propensities.

Try to comprehend you and your accomplice's contention propensities so you can break awful examples and locate a center ground that is profitable and conscious.

54. Characterize love.

While "I adore you," is a phenomenal thing to state—and a similarly brilliant thing to hear—it implies something else to every individual. Disclose to each other what you're stating when you proclaim these enchantment words. It could be a rundown of numerous assessments, for example, "I would do anything for you," and "I believe you totally."

55. Alternate arranging date evenings that are genuine, genuine, capital-D Dates

Takeout and TV doesn't tally.

56. Approach your accomplice's issues with regards to how they influence the relationship.

It'll lessen the odds they feel by and by assaulted for reasons unknown.

57. Nestle.

Set aside a few minutes for nestling. Regardless of whether it prompts sex, physical fondness is critical.

58. Keep in mind to state "I Like You."

The best compliment you can give an accomplice (particularly a long haul accomplice) is advising them that do you adore them, as well as like them.

59. Have an unconstrained late morning tryst.

Send him a content as he's going to go on his meal break, invest significant energy on a Saturday, in any case you need to play it.

Photograph: Imaxtree

Photograph: Imaxtree

60. Travel together.

Seeing the world together makes stunning shared recollections.

61. Reveal to them EXACTLY why you cherish and value them as regularly as would be prudent.

"I cherish you" is great. "I cherish the way you ensure nobody at any point understands left" is far and away superior.

62. Remain out of their family show.

It's so not justified, despite any potential benefits.

63. Truly take a gander at each other.

We invest a considerable measure of energy with our accomplices yet some of the time we don't really observe them. Set aside the opportunity to really investigate each other's eyes.

64. Give each other a pet name.

It might be super irritating to other individuals (and you might need to hold it for when you're in private), yet a pet name can include an additional layer of closeness to your relationship.

65. Invest energy alone.

As imperative as it is to invest quality energy with your accomplice, it's similarly important that you build up a decent feeling of your identity without them. Kahlil Gibran said "let there be spaces in your fellowship," and we remain by that.

66. Have during supper.

Do you eat before the TV? Attempt really taking a seat to a feast with your accomplice at a genuine table. You may discover it a much needed development.

67. Truth be told, kill the TV all together.

For what reason not take a stab at initiating a without tv night in your condo? See what else happens when you get to know one another sans the talking box.

68. Request lucidity.

In case you're confounded about what your accomplice implies, request lucidity as opposed to influencing suppositions about what they to mean. Utilize an open expression like, "What did you mean when you stated, 'xyz'" as opposed to in a split second going into all out attack mode.

69. Possess your emotions.

Uninvolved forcefulness is an aggregate relationship executioner. Subdue it by honing confidence and clearness. Saying "I'm fine" when you're not fine is a prime case of not owning your emotions.

70. Convey valuably.

For example, we think the expression development "When ____ happens, it influences me to feel ____" can be especially useful.

71. Appreciate what your accomplice's into.

He's into chess, or cheddar, or cheddar that resembles a chess board (possibly?). You don't need to love it, yet give it a shot. You may amaze yourself!

72. Yet in addition develop your own.

You and your accomplice don't need everything in like manner. Truly. That is entirely irritating.

73. Give your accomplice a chance to show you something they're great at, and the other way around.

Everybody—everybody—adores the sentiment having the capacity to show someone they like about something they're great at.

74. Unite your gatherings.

It's anything but difficult to storehouse your social lives and make isolate his-and-hers universes, however bringing your companions, kin, or associates together can be a fun thing.

75. Bear in mind about sex.

Work, stretch, and different duties can impede your sexual coexistence, and before you know it, you've gone a month without getting occupied. Try not to give this a chance to happen. Timetable it in the event that you need to, simply try to associate in a close way.

76. Be that as it may, do disregard envy.

Envy can be totally poisonous to connections, so hold yours within proper limits. In case you're generally desirous, make sense of if it's your own issue, or if your accomplice is getting things done to seem less dependable.

77. Develop your appreciation.

Spread what you adore about your accomplice. Practice your increase by offering it to others—not in a gross, needless, braggy way, but rather don't pass up a great opportunity for the chance to explain to others why your accomplice is magnificent. Thus, it'll remind you why you like them, as well.

78. Snicker. In bed.

Sex ought to be provocative, certain. Be that as it may, it ought to likewise be enjoyable. Try not to be reluctant to have a giggle if things take a turn for the crazy.

79. Give yourself a chance to be dealt with when you require it.We all need uncommon care every so often. Give your accomplice a chance to help you when you're feeling wiped out or down. It doesn't mean you're not solid, it just means you're willing to acknowledge offer assistance.

80. Check your focused edge.

You and your accomplice are there to help each other, not contend with each other. On the off chance that you wind up contrasting yourself or contending and your life partner, check your conduct. That is not beneficial!

81. Have a bed day.

Permit yourselves an absolutely lethargic day where you lie around and do nothing of note aside from appreciate each other's conversation.

81. Be benevolent to yourself.

The most ideal approach to create positive examples in a relationship is to create them first with yourself. Try not to be so incredulous of yourself, and you'll set a decent case for your relationship.

82. Offer thanks for the easily overlooked details, and for particular things.

Huge motions are extraordinary, however it's awesome to perceive the easily overlooked details your accomplice does that fulfill you feel and adored, as well.

Photograph: Getty Images

Photograph: Getty Images

83. Date like you dated in secondary school.

Ask each other out. Get energized. Take perpetually to prepare. Make out. Rehash.

84. Be available.

We can destroy a superbly incredible relationship by concentrating excessively on the past, or agonizing excessively over what may occur later on. Figure out how to appreciate where you are, and who you're with this moment.

85. Try not to endeavor to control.

A relationship isn't a clash of wills, it's two individuals who are as a rule together, so don't treat your accomplice like they're some sort of wild creature you're attempting to tame.

86. Grasp your shared objectives.

Would could it be that you both need to achieve? Would you be able to help each other to achieve those objectives? That'll be a major bit of what will hold both of you to together as a couple over the long haul.

87. Have a social ordeal together.

See a film, a play, or a workmanship presentation together — and after that discussion about them a short time later. You might be charmingly astounded by how in an unexpected way—or correspondingly—you saw things.

88. Go on a long bicycle ride.

Bicycle rides are profoundly liberating encounters, and it's decent to have the capacity to do that with somebody you adore.

89. Have a go at chatting on the telephone.

Truly, we know this sounds insane, yet telephone calls are an alternate kind of correspondence than messaging, or even face to face conveying will permit. You may really develop your association through a telephone visit.

90. Make a blend for each other.

It's adorable, sentimental and something out of a romantic comedy. Despite the fact that these days, you might need to make a Spotify playlist instead of a blended CD.

91. Hold yourself within proper limits.

We invest so much energy focusing on how our accomplices carry on, yet take a moment to see how you're acting — particularly in case you're started up or in an awful temperament. And afterward give yourself a moment to…

92. … Breathe.

Before you say something you don't mean, calmly inhale and inquire as to whether that is truly the way you need to push ahead. Odds are, taking a moment out will help you recalibrate and think about a more productive method for dealing with the circumstance.

93. Help each other.

This one is so natural, however in the event that your accomplice's experiencing considerable difficulties with something — whether it's doing their assessments or sorting out their wardrobe — offer some assistance.

94. Be their greatest team promoter

On the off chance that your accomplice's expert something astounding, let them know it, and let them sparkle.

95. In your craziest snapshots of disappointment or outrage, recollect what it is that you like about them the most.

There's a reason you're with them all things considered, isn't that so?

96. Keep in mind that a relationship ought to dependably improve your life all in all, not more awful.

Furthermore, plan to ensure yours is doing quite recently that. On the off chance that it's not, it might be an ideal opportunity to rethink.

97. Appreciate the tranquil minutes you go through with each other.

Not all things have to be a major experience or a major ordeal Sometimes the best circumstances are the calm spontaneous things you do together.

98. Ensure you're dealing with yourself.

Try not to give yourself a chance to get so put resources into your accomplice that you neglect to deal with yourself.

99. Relinquish the past.

We frequently let our past damages direct our present. Figure out how to relinquish past feelings of hatred and fears keeping in mind the end goal to live more completely with your accomplice at this moment.